Grooming like a BOSS!
Way back when grooming was a lot less complicated. Following simple directions like ‘wash behind your ears’ and ‘rinse off all the soap before you leave the shower’ was straightforward and relatively logical. Even for my young immature brain these were directions that could be followed with only minor coaxing/mocking from the parental figures in my life. These simple directions carried me from being a youngster through to my grungy years of being a travelling bloated man-child. On the surface this cleaning regime was working just fine, keeping the fun things like crotch-rot and ear-goop at bay.
But then there comes a time though when this system starts to show its faults, kind of like all my underwear in my mid twenties. There comes a time when Civilizing your sh*t is vitally important for your social and private life and sex appeal. Taking care of yourself shows the world that you can handle a simple disciplined task, and inspires confidence in those around you. And at its most basic level, you will get laid and paid more.
I’m going to assume you’ve figured out how to apply soap to skin so I will take this blog a little deeper. Seeing as how I’m being uncomfortably dragged through my early thirties, let’s focus on the grooming tasks that I now perform.
Don’t forget to manscape
I’ve been blessed with the thickest mop of cow-licked hair anyone could want. Going bald is not a concern for me, and really a bit of thinning wouldn’t hurt my feelings. If you’ve got a mess like me, the only way forward is to keep it short. And if you’re going bald, don’t fight it. Fuck comb overs, go on and show off your shiny melon with pride! Likewise with facial hair, if you can and want to rock some beard scruff then do so cause we all know the ladies love it, but make sure you keep it clean and trimmed! Once your beards grows over 1 inch in length it is vitally important to keep that thing conditioned. Make sure you are using natural soaps and beard oils that don’t have any garbage parabens and chemicals in it. Now we all know that you started to find hair in all the fun places like your ears, eyebrows and the BACK OF YOU NECK, well these are going to need weekly maintenance. And no I’m not endorsing the modern day porn look of vaporizing every hair from the waist down, but if you expect someone to take a closer look at your special bits, it might be worth giving ‘er a trim to prevent any untimely flossing situations. And for god’s sake go and get yourself a professional trim by someone who knows what they are doing every once and awhile. Yes sometimes you have to pay money to keep your raggedy ass looking dapper!
Skin, Nails and Other Dangly Bits
Simply put your skin is the last line of defense between your jello-like interior and the harsh influences you inflict on yourself in the course of a day. Finishing a day of work and drowning in Varsol might get off some of that stank, but only natural soaps and salves are going to bring your skin from feeling like 100 grit sandpaper. It is vital to nourish your skin as you go, helping it rejuvenate back to its lovely natural smoothness. Nobody is going to give you much love if your rough-ass shoulder callouses damage their hands when they try and touch you or your jagged sharp edged nails scratch their skin when you lean in to give them a pet. Do yourself and your partner(s?) a favour and sort that shit out. So trim your nails every week, conditions those claws and make sure to wash those hands!
Drink lots of water
Healthy skin and starts from the inside out and one of the best ways to bring out the glow on your skin is to drink at least 2 liters of water every day.
Water is a natural in terms of eliminating toxins from the body. And it helps promote skin elasticity and shed dead skin cells
Stop the Stench
Remember… it doesn't matter how great you look if you smell like crotch sweat. So find a natural (yes natural – stop putting those chemicals on your body) deodorant and use it. Using bentonite clay to detox armpits whilst you transition to a natural deodorant will help with the smell and also not slamming 24 beers everyday will as well. And ALWAYS remember less is more with cologne. Shower everyday, this is probably the most basic thing you can do to keep yourself from developing body odour. If you shower every day, you may not need to use as much cologne to mask any bad odour if you don’t shower. The best case scenario would be showering first thing in the morning. And shower again before going to bed. If you go to the gym a lot, do yourself a favour and shower afterwards
Take Cold Showers
Cool or cold showers may not exactly be a treat, but they're way faster (allowing you to spend more time polishing your appearance overall) and less irritating to the skin. This is especially true in the winter and for those who get dry skin easily.
There is nothing wrong with getting greasy, dirty, grungy, filthy, gross, slimy, soiled, grubby, sloppy, or even downright Uncivilized. But there comes a time when you need to scrub yourself clean and get yourself looking like you could meet the Queen of England (and yes your significant other will like it too!).
Enjoy those moments and embrace them, knowing that when it comes time, we have the perfect products available to get you back on track and into the Civilized world!